Pursuing honest relationships built around who we really are.....

Not long ago I was given a chance to go to the Mops Conference in Kansas City. 

 The theme for this conference was “A Beautiful Mess: Embracing your story”. 

I have been reflecting on how God was speaking into my heart that weekend.  There were some fabulous speakers but the one that stands out the most to me was a couple by the name of Justin and Trisha Davis who spoke about their marriage testimony.

It didn’t just speak into my relationship with my husband, but it also spoke into my relationships with my friends and family.

They were raw and real and my heart had been craving this kind of truth.

Do you ever get tired of pretending or faking through life?

Talking to people you love and care about but desiring to hear something real come from their mouth. Something more than what they are pretending to be.

Something is stirring in my heart. 

I’m craving real relationships with the people around me.

I am longing to be accepted for who I really am and get to know the person you hide behind.

There is one thing that continues to stand out to me from the class I took with Justin and Trisha Davis and it is this:

“Truth-telling is the pathway to becoming fully known.  We call that intimacy.” “Pursue truth; it may make you miserable at first.”

As I returned home from the conference to my beautiful family I was feeling inspired and refreshed. 

I talked to my husband on how this comment really spoke to me. 

It’s weird how it can happen, but after 7 years of marriage we were beginning to fall away from each other and we both felt it but we couldn’t figure out how to fix it. 

We desired truth from each other but it was truth we were holding from each other. 

The weeks following the conference were the hardest weeks our marriage has faced thus far.  We were hurting each other and it was beginning to break our oneness.  It is easy to want to pretend it isn’t there or put a band aid over the wounds and expect them to heal overnight; that is what we had been doing for years, but we knew that just wouldn’t work anymore.  The time had come where we had to look at each other and face the fact that we have deeply hurt each other and lost the connection that God desires for us.  We had lost the truth amidst the many lies we were telling ourselves and telling each other.

Both of our visions that we had for our marriages were gone.

Somewhere along the way they collided with the reality of life and what was left was a wall around areas of our hearts, feelings of disrespect and hurt and a yearning to be loved deeper.

{People are so much better at medicating symptoms of their marriage issues than at diagnosing and treating the root causes of marriage problems.  We work on communicating better.  We read books on anger management.  We try to understand love languages.  We listen to sermons on marriage.  We go to marriage conferences.  We try to wipe away all that is visibly wrong and fail to go deeper into the heart of our relationships.  Yet we experience only incremental, inconsistent improvements in our marriages.
And we do the same thing with our relationship with God.  So often, we would rather have God medicate the pain in our hearts than do what it takes to bring complete healing to us.  So we learn to live with spiritual illness while looking for ways to make ourselves feel better.  We go to church.  We sing the songs.  We pray the prayers.  We join small groups or Sunday school classes.  We may even give regularly.  Yet we experience only incremental, inconsistent growth in our relationship with God.  We do a lot; we just change very little.}

Beyond Ordinary ~ Justin and Trisha Davis

How do you begin to rebuild?

Well you can take the way that feels easiest: retreat back to what feels safe and remain the same till the next argument begins to stir up the deeper wounds that have been left infected.  Or we catapult into the new and unknown with each other.  Letting God breathe new life into our hearts and learn to love in new ways and to experience truth like never before.

Seeking out the truth that rests in our hearts and sharing it with our spouse {or friend/family member}.  Laying out the layers of our hearts so we can move forward and begin to heal and no longer remain infected.

It breaks me to know there are always going to be people who for some reason or another remain infected.  The truth is VERY painful to face at times.  Denial is everywhere and it will not go away without making it.

  Before we can begin to pursue truth-telling with others we need to be able to live in truth with ourselves.

Relationships can be messy and hard. 

Whether it is in your marriage, a friendship or relating with a family member, we desire to connect to one another. 

There are some relationships that will always remain on the surface.  And that is ok.  I have respect for the people that want to stay there.

  But what about the ones that were meant for something more.

Something beyond what we want to believe to be true about ourselves.

I don’t know about you but I am craving more relationships like this.  

Something beyond superficial.

.

Raw truth

Painfully honest and encouraging all in one.

Relating in new ways beyond image into the reality that we are all a broken people looking for safe places to share our story with one another and offering each other the connections we were created for.

God desires this from us.

 He is a safe place to start.

 He desires to connect with you.

 Not just the person you want to be, but the bruised and used, broken and beautiful, hurting and seeking part of you too.

 Let the walls fall around your heart and collapse into the arms of a Savior who never lets go and is always there and desires to connect with every part of you.

From there don’t be afraid of yourself. 

Figure out the truth that rests deep in your heart and share your story with someone that cares deeply about you.

  You might be surprised.

It just might be something beautiful.

You may even see that even their life is beautifully messy.

Embrace your story and embrace connecting with one another in deeper ways.

If I could encourage you in any way it would be this:  Seek out the areas God is calling you to face and face them.  It is scary and painful and the process is kind of ugly but it is absolutely beautiful on the other side.  Become comfortable with who you really are and love that person.  Begin building real relationships and you will begin to see God at work before your very eyes.

It is a beautiful thing…I promise!

Ephesians 4:25 

 ~The Message

  What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

If you are interested in learning more about this couple I shared with you in this post here is there website: http://refineus.org/

 They also have a book that I am in the middle of reading it is called, “Beyond Ordinary”.

Check them out!!