Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Living in the "deep"





Matthew 14:22-33

 (NIV)

Jesus Walks on the Water
 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd.  After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.  Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage!  It is I.  Don’t be afraid.”
 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.  Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”




This is a long post, so if you have a few minutes grab something to drink and settle into a comfy spot and follow me on this journey.

 If you have been following me at all or know me personally, you may have sensed that something has been stirring in my heart/mind.

Let me start by defining a few words.

Journey: act of traveling from one place to another

Growth: the process of growing or maturing physically, mentally, or spiritually

Refining: Remove impurities or unwanted elements from (a substance), typically as part of an industrial process.

Fear: An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

 Let me just say we are all on a journey.  

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ and want to follow Him, then I believe at some point in this journey, ok I take that back, at multiple points in this journey there are forks in the road where He is calling us to make a choice to follow and trust Him completely, or continue on trusting Him only in the areas that feel safe.

Let me just say this journey has been filled with beautiful blessings, areas of great growth and trust.

These past few months have had me so consumed by my own fears.

 Fear of so many things. 

Some I understand and others I can’t even begin to wrap my head around.

This journey we call life.

Have you ever heard of the Christian speaker and author Angie Smith? 
 Well she has some great stuff out there!

I was listening to a devotion by her not that long ago.

It was about living in the deep. 

 She explains how we can spend our life building sandcastles in the sand where it is safe. 
We begin to create safe places in our minds and our hearts.  
 But when something happens in life and we get carried out to the deep, where our feet are dangling and we want nothing more than to go back to the sandcastles where we feel safe.  
 Instead our feet continue to dangle and the wind stirs up the waves and we begin to panic.  
 It feels as if we just might be taken under. 
 She goes on to talk about how sometimes God is calling us to live right where you are in the deep.  The reason for that is because in the deep is where we can truly experience a trust for God.  
 To really let go and surrender.   

She ends the devotion by saying this….

Sometimes God says to us, “You need to move away from what is “safe” to really see me.”  If that means living in the deep for a period of time then don’t panic, instead choose to glorify Him while you are there!

I sat in my truck listening to this and tears began to stream down my face.  I could totally relate.   
She nailed exactly what I was feeling at that moment.

  It’s easy to surrender and trust when your feet are warm in the sand and the walls around your heart are just high enough to keep the bad out, isn’t it? 

 But not so easy when we are fighting for air in the deep and the waves are just about to overtake us!
It is then when you feel as if you have sunk and the waves have taken over.

The very walls we build around our hearts to protect ourselves, can be the very walls God wants to break down to free us from a life of “safe” to a surrendered life of trust in Him completely!

I say I trust God, and I do, believe me, I know with all my heart He wants the best for me and all those that seek Him.  But do I trust God when I am in the “deep” and He is breaking down my walls.  Let me tell you He is opening my eyes and showing me that I trust my fears/circumstances more than I trust His truth in the “deep”.

We live in a world that has been corrupted by sin.  

There is destruction and things to fear all around us, death, sickness, murder, natural disasters, divorce, mental illness, physical illness, our own self talk, addictions, hurts, pain, infertility, wayward children or parents, this list could continue and continue!!!

As a follower of Christ, we know that ALL things work to glorify our Savior, but Satan wants nothing more than to paralyze our body and consume us with our fears.  

In Mathew 14: 22-33 Peter steps out in faith and is walking on water, but as soon as the wind picks up he takes his eyes off Jesus and begins to focus on his circumstances around him.  In that very moment he begins to sink.  He cries out, “Lord save me”.  Just then Jesus reaches out and saves him, but not without saying, “You of little faith, why did you doubt”.

This has been playing in my head the last few weeks. 
 I know God has been placing it there so I could begin to see how my focus was shifting to circumstances rather than His face.

Are you in the deep right now?  

Perhaps your busy building sandcastles in the sand and your to busy to see He is calling you into the deep. 
 Either way I encourage you to live right where He wants you.

For me it has been in the deep. 

 So deep that I thought I was losing sight of my sweet Saviors face, but as I began to sink and gasp for air I reached up to find His hand had been reaching for mine the whole time.  I was to busy looking at the circumstances to see it though!

When we are in the deep, that is when Jesus is calling us to step out and remain focused on Him.  But so often we do exactly what Peter did and we begin to focus on the circumstances that are around us.

For me my circumstances are fear of losing control, letting Him break down walls that I built my life around (protection), watching my mom spiral out of control due to addiction (and realizing I am powerless and I can’t fix it for her), beginning to question why I ever thought it was all about me!!!!!  

I was reaching for Jesus to fix these problems the way I saw Him fixing them, even though I thought I was trusting Him completely, I was reaching out because of the fear that controlled my heart.  

If I remained in Him then I wouldn’t have to face these fears, I could just give them to him, right?  Well yes in some ways, but friends we still need to deal with it!!  

We can only suppress feelings so long until they began to control us.

As Beth Moore says, “You need to deal with your stuff, otherwise your stuff deals with you”!!

Boy she nailed that one

What could your circumstances be?   

Where in your heart do you have walls?

Where in your deep is He calling you to trust Him completely?

Or

Is He calling you to step out of living in the “safe” so you can really experience the life He has designed for you?

Friends this life is hard,  but if we continue to build our sandcastles in the sand where it is warm and safe, we may never know the need we have for our Savior and the complete love our Savior has for us out there in the deep.  

We NEED Him. 

 There is nothing we can do to be closer to Him
.  We don’t need to prove to Him that we can handle this life. 
 The fact is, we can’t handle this life without completely trusting Him in every circumstance we face.

Just ask Him, He will show you the areas you haven’t surrendered to Him yet. 

Remember as He begins to break down the walls of our hearts, He is helping us to face some dark areas.  
 He doesn’t say it will be easy.

Coming from experience it is hard and it can be an area filled with lots of questions. 
 It is an area where the lies we have built certain beliefs around collide with His truth and only one can win.

His Truth, but we have to be willing to let it win.

Friends it is easy to live a life of safe, but there may come a point when He says to you, “It is time to follow me into the deep”.

 Let Him take you there and as He begins to work on breaking down the walls of your heart and the waves begin to overtake you, take a deep breath, and when you feel like you have just went under, look up to see His sweet face. 

Reach up and take hold of our promise and breath.

Don’t run back to where it feels “safe”. 

Let Him be your light and truth when the “deep” feels dark and unsafe.

We can live our life questioning or we can live a life fully alive and trusting!

Make a choice with me to live fully alive in Christ my dear friend......

Thank you lord for this beautiful life!


Psalms 16:5-8


 Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
    you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    surely I have a delightful inheritance. 
 I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
    even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.



 


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Just Lean



Ok Nicole you can do this.

Don’t let it get to you.

Be strong.

What about this gut wrenching feeling, I just want to vomit!

You are beginning to spiral, get a grip.

You’re going to be just like her!

That’s it I can’t take it anymore!!

 { above is my self talk}

I begin to weep……

I pace back and forth do I burden anyone else with this pain, or do I carry it myself?

I decide to reach out and people reach back. (Thank you Jesus!)

As I am talking to my mother-in-love I say to her, “I know God is teaching me to lean, lean into Him, but also to lean into the fellow Christians around me for support.”

As I hung up the phone and the day went on this “Lean” word has really stuck to me.

She sent me an email to remind me to L
                                                                E
                                                                      A  
                                                                        N
Friends we are not fighting this battle alone.  
 Don’t carry the burden all by yourself.

And even more importantly don’t be ashamed.

Everyone’s burdens are different.

Some days are easy and some days just plain out STINK!!

It was never meant to be just your burden to carry.   
Take the load off and remind yourself today that He is a mighty good God. 
 He is ALWAYS in control—even when we can’t feel it. 
 He loves you more than you can ever imagine.

Please, please don’t forget He has placed people who love you and want to be there for you in your life to lean on.

Don’t do it alone.  

Lay it down whatever it is before Him and just LEAN.

Lean into Him, Lean into a friend, just remember to LEAN

2 Corinthians 4:7-12
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

Galatians 6:1-2
 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Psalm 68:19
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
    who daily bears our burdens.



                                 






Monday, December 3, 2012

It must be you....



It must be you

Lyrics by Bart Miller

I'd like to look in the mirror, without hiding my eyes
I'd like to see what You see, why You think I'm qualified
To speak for You, O God, Most High
Who hides a baby in the reeds of a river, until he's grown?
Gives him a stage and the strength to deliver his people home?
'Cause I'm tongue tied, weak in the knees
Must be something You only see
If there's anything good
Anything that's good in me
Well, it must be You
Must be You
And if there's any part of my shaking heart
To see this journey through
It must be You
It must be You
Must be You
It must be You
Not gonna argue with fiery branches that speak my name
Not gonna start taking backward glances from where we came
'Cause tomorrow's holding our dreams
But today I'm here on my knees
O God of parting water
God of falling bread
If my words should falter
Will You speak instead?
You must see something good
You must see something true
It must be You

Let me just begin by saying God never seizes to amaze me!!!

As I look back at the journey He has taken me on and is still taking me through I am in awe of His greatness.

As the lyrics to this song say…

If there's anything good
Anything that's good in me
Well, it must be You
Must be You
And if there's any part of my shaking heart
To see this journey through
It must be You


Yesterday morning I received a message from my mom telling me she had been in an accident and she would most likely be heading to treatment and that she was sorry.

In that very moment it was hard for me to grasp what was happening but I knew I needed to pray.

The nurse connected me to her room.  

The voice on the other end was weak and desperate.
 “Mom what happened?”  “I think you know”, she responded. 

Unfortunately she was right…. Heroin, accident, ICU and treatment.  I could piece the rest together.

I still am not clear on all the details.

What I knew was this….

I have spent the last few years giving my mom to Jesus and taking her back, then giving and taking her back…. Ok maybe it has been the last 10 years!!  

Lately I have had a very heavy heart over our relationship.

Honestly I have been grieving the loss of a mother.  The disappointment and anger has really reared its head and has been infecting my heart.  

The last conversation I had with her before I got the news this morning did not end well.  I was angry and hurt.  I was disappointed and let down.

As I listened to her voice on the other side of my phone I was in complete shock with how Jesus transformed my heart that very second.

I heard Him whisper to me, “Go tell her she is loved, embrace her, hug her for me please she needs to know she is loved.”

I know this is horrible, but please understand this is a humbled heart before you, the last thing I wanted to do was go see my mom right at that moment.  In my humanness I wanted to say to her, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!” and “WHY….WHY…WHY!!!!” and “IS THIS EVER GOING TO END!!!”

I was angry, hurt, sad, frustrated, worried along with many other feelings.
But I knew what I had to do.

As I sat in the room with her it wasn’t me that was speaking to her it was Jesus.  I know that may sound extremely weird (it’s even hard for me to wrap my head around!)  But hear what I am saying here.

I wanted to look at her and say, “look at what you have done to yourself!!!!!” 
  Instead I let Jesus be my words; He was speaking through and for me.

I heard despair, He spoke hope,

 I heard guilt, He spoke truth.

In that very moment instead of seeing my mom through my eyes, Jesus gave me a glimpse of the unending love He has for her.

Not only for her but for you and I too!!
 
As I said goodbye I prayed with her, then I gave her a big hug.  As I was hugging her I imagined Jesus hugging her. 

 I didn’t want to let go. 

I could feel how weak she was, not just physically, but spiritually as well.

As I walked out she commented on how she was concerned for someone in her life and she told me, 

“Nicole he’s not as strong as you are”

I looked at her and I said, “Mom, it’s not me its Jesus, without Him I am so weak”

I know somewhere in her she understands.

If there's anything good
Anything that's good in me
Well, it must be You
Must be You
And if there's any part of my shaking heart
To see this journey through
It must be You


Lord it must be you.  

We can hold on to all the anger and pain until it embitters our hearts.   It is so easy and so often we neglect to see it until it has already happened.

 The moment we choose to see it through Jesus eyes is when we can set it free to Him.

That moment is what happened yesterday morning.  He took my weak spirit, a woman full of disappointment and anger, and he said, “Just be Me Nicole, in your humanness this is to big, but it will NEVER be to big for me, NEVER”

I don’t know what is going to happen.

Life is full of choices.

Do we go back to a life of bondage, or finally surrender to the Holy One?

Mathew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul.   For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

  I cannot even begin to grasp the loneliness and sadness that is penetrating my mother’s heart.   The fear and guilt that keeps her bound to this nasty addiction.
But I do know this we serve a mighty God.  

 Omnipotent
 Omnipresent
 Omniscient

He knows every last thing about us.  He breathed life into us.  He knows the roads we walk to get to Him.  He knows the deepest valleys we will face, He holds our Joy in His very hands.

He is simply asking for us to be His hands and feet, to go where He wants to send us.  He doesn’t say it is going to be easy; in fact most likely we will go through the darkness before we can see His light fully.  We may go through multiple dark times, but He is always with us and He is always holding our hand.

Yesterday Jesus reminded me, He is my strength in the darkest of times. 

 We can’t do it without Him.

May today be the day we fall at His feet and begin to see through His eyes the love He has for our broken sin filled hearts....


This is the song I have included in my post today.  If you have time listen, it is beautiful!
 

This video is Casting Crowns song "Love them Like Jesus"  A beautiful reminder to love like Him.