Hang on....

Mathew 11:28-29

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Do you ever have one of those weeks, maybe months, where you are just in a funk?

I do, and I hate to say it but they seem to happen more than I would like to admit!  

I have been thinking this last week on what I wanted to write about and my mind has been filled with many thoughts.  But for some reason the Holy Spirit keeps directing me to the words fear, redeemed, doubts, trust, control…..

I have always struggled with my thoughts and how I can let fear take over.  I know this is an area God has been working on in my life particularly for the last few years.  Just recently, after my daughter Elsa arrived, I have been feeling him working hard to get me to deal with some of my “issues” in this area all over again.  I don’t know about you but sometimes I am like, “Seriously Lord right now, can’t you pick a different time to have me work through this issue I am already a little overwhelmed here!”   He just never seems to want to work with my schedule. ; ).  I am so glad he can see the WHOLE picture, not just what I see in my mind.

I think my issue began when I was a little girl……

This need to make people around me happy.  Not only that but to set my own feelings and fears aside for others.  Maybe right now you are thinking, “Well Nicole that isn’t necessarily a bad thing”! I would say I agree to a certain point.   But you see for me it has been an area that has bogged me down.  

I became so focused on other people that it obstructed my view of myself.  My view of myself became distorted.  I started to believe that I had to be this happy person, that never lost control of their feelings or doubted things and if I did then there was something VERY wrong with me.  I never thought I was a person who needed approval, but it is amazing how Satan can whisper his lies right into your way of thinking and he can make you feel so miserable about yourself.

For a long time and still occasionally (ok maybe more than occasionally) I fall into this trap of thinking that now that I am a child of God and I walk with him, that I can’t screw up.  I have this “image” I need to live up to…. which is FALSE, FALSE, FALSE by the way.  But some weeks I am so beaten down by this I can barely stand it!

I just feel the weight of my fears, doubts, and failures weighing so heaving on my shoulders that I totally travel down this path of destructive thinking.  “If only I could have controlled my temper, had more patients, said something different….” or “What is wrong with you, how could you even think this way”.  It seriously can consume my thinking and I begin to think I am this horrible person and everyone else around me has it all together and they would never fall into this trap like I do.  

I have known what I am going to tell you next for a while but I am really beginning to see how powerful it can be. 
Satan knows those areas we hurt the most and he wants nothing more than for us to be tied down to them.  Let me give you an example.  For me it is my self-talk and things that haunt me from my past.  I can let it be so destructive when I am in that funk.  Satan knows and he thrives on that.  He thrives on knowing I am fearful and doubting everything I cross paths with when my mind goes there. 

If you know me at all you probably know I am a fixer and a slight control freak! 

Here lies the problem and solution.

  When I get in this funk, I begin to feel the need to fix it because I have to live up to this distorted image that I am not failing.  If it doesn’t get fixed then I let all my fears take over.  But here is the beauty in the struggle.  When I am in the midst of this struggle is when I feel God prompting me the most.  I feel him tugging at those areas I feel the need to control, those burdens that haunt me.  Each time he breaks me a little more.  He breaks me in a good way, a way that shows me that he is the ONLY one that is in control.  He whispers continually to me, “Nicole I don’t expect you to do it perfectly, I died for your sinful nature and I love you the same on your good days and bad days.”  That is a hard thing for me to grasp, he loves me the same, I don’t have to pretend I'm ok! 

  He loves us despite of our sin.   

The icky thoughts, destructive behavior, bad language, this list could go on and on couldn’t it?  He doesn’t want us to be bogged down or live in our sin.  

Hebrews 12:1-3

 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart

He is calling us to let go of it.   

Don’t let it control you any longer. 

 Give it up with me. 

 It’s hard, believe me I know!!  But it doesn’t need to control you.  We serve a mighty big God that can see the mighty big picture.  Sometimes we have to make our way through some yuck to get to that mighty big picture.  He never said it was going to be easy, but he did say he would always be with us and see us through.

Isaiah 43:2

 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.

I encourage you if you are someone who can let your sinful nature bog you down. 

Let go with me.

Let go of the feeling of having to be this happy person who is never hurting. Let go of the self-talk. Let go of the fears, doubts and failures.

Let go and know that you aren’t always going to do it right.  Let the Holy Spirit live in you and through you and may he be your voice of truth through it all.  

We stumble and fall, but we have a God who comes along and sweeps us into his arms and whispers, “Hang on just a little bit longer, your almost there my love your almost there”

Until the day we see him face to face, hang on……

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